243. Cracks

Rippling canyons cross

Mirages of heated sand

Darkness devours light 

242. 1-10

I had an interesting experience with Janie yesterday that I can't stop thinking about, so I'm going to share my thoughts on it today. 

This summer we have been watching America's Got Talent together. I figure it's good for her to see real people doing what they love and succeeding through their skills. She likes staying up late. It's a win-win. Last night we were unable to watch, but I figured I would let her help me submit votes for the acts. I explained the 1-10 system and asked her what number we should give each act that was performing. With each I showed her the picture of the performer(s) and reminded her of what they did the last time we saw them.

Janie was very generous in her scoring. She gave almost exclusively 9s and 10s, with only two exceptions. The magician got an 8 because she didn't really understand what he did. Fair enough. 

What surprised and hurt me most was when we got to Kechi, a woman with a lovely singing voice, but an unusual face. Having been in a plane crash, her face carries scars and different textures, and many burn victims do. Upon seeing her picture, Janie paused. I asked if she remembered hearing her sing and what number we should give her. Janie looked at the picture and quietly said "umm...one." 

My heart dropped a little at that small admission. With all the other scores she had been excited and resolute in her answer. But this time she seemed to shrink into herself. I don't know if it was because the picture frightened her or if she was ashamed of her answer. But that "one" opened my eyes to some hidden truth. And maybe it's hidden because we don't want to see that unkind side of humanity. But what I saw was that natural reaction in my little girl to give a negative reaction to something she saw as unattractive. I hope that is not something we have taught. Indeed, we have tried to teach our children that every person is a child of God. Every person is special, even if they look, sound, or act different than us. She wasn't trying to be mean with that designation. She wasn't trying to impress anyone or put herself above another. She was just reacting honestly and responding naturally to her instincts. 

After my initial surprise passed I said "really? A one? Did you not like her singing?" at which point her shyness evaporated and with that returned enthusiasm she said "yeah, I think...8." Again, i don't know if that change was in response to remembering her singing or because she was embarrassed at her reaction and realized it wasn't how she should have acted. 

I guess what the whole experience taught me is that kindness in the face of the unknown is a learned response. Every person is special, no matter what they look like. But additionally, we should be understanding of those who do not immediately reach out to the different. It is natural to be intimidated by what you do not know. But after that initial uncertainty has passed us we should try to see past the physical differences that separate us. Everyone is worthy of a high score!

241. ABC Hurricanes

I had a conversation last night with some friends about Hurricane names and their lack of inciting terror. Because really, who wants to evacuate when you hear "Susan is coming?" Oh I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. 

So Jay and I came up with our own list of fear-inducing hurricane names:

Anubis

Beelzebub

Cerberus

Delilah

Emperor

Frankenstein

Gaston

Hitler

Iscariot

Jezebel

Khan

Lucifer

Mussolini

Napoleon

Oedipus

Pandora

Queen of Hearts

Rasputin

Stalin

Tartarus

Umbridge 

Voldemort 

Wicked Witch of the West

Xerxes

Yzma

Zeus

240. Inverness

The rain comes down and the waters rise

The dams hold back 'til they're compromised

Then all breaks loose and the flood fast swells

There goes your house, so say farewell

239. Shelter

Today's the day

The rains have come

The storm is brewing fast

But God is watching

Overall

He'll shelter us at last

238. Underwhelmed

A little underwhelmed

That's what we are today

We didn't have to tell the rain

To please just go away

The sun was shining on his own

He came right out to play

Today is just like any other

Rainy Saturday. 

237. Hurricane

Hurricane's a-comin'

Button down the hatch

Board up all the windows

Find your light and match

Gather up your water

It's time to settle down

The wind is raging fiercely

The water's murky brown

Tomorrow will be stormy

They've made that very clear

But we have filled our lamp lights

With God, there is no fear

236. Preparation

Tomorrow we are supposed to be hit with "the biggest American hurricane in over a decade." Many are panicking. I hear the shelves at the stores are empty. No bottled water can be found. Gas stations are turning away cars in need of fuel. And yet I find my only concern is that my gym may be closed tomorrow. 

Why am I not madly dashing around to find the necessary goods for a possible natural disaster? Because I have listened to the council of the Lord's servants. Like the five wise virgins, I have filled my figurative lamps and prepared a reserve. I have held this reserve, untouched, for many months now. And though these supplies have sat unused for some time, what they have bought me is calm. In this time of anxiety and fear, I feel only ease. I have been asked several times throughout the day if we need anything, if we are ready, if we were able to find water. My recently acquired anxiety should be screaming at me right now, but it's not. 

Perhaps this calm, more than anything, is why we are urged to be prepared. Yes, there is safety in preparation: but there is also sanity.

235. Sands in the Sky

Sound waves splintered casually

Across the barren waste

Fractured by the beating pulse of dew drops' tumbling taste.

The melancholy stretches resist the aching bonds

And elementary particles abuse the teaching fronds.

234. Wind

What do you do with the winds that fly

Dancing with leaves and the stars in the sky?

What do you do with the waves that soar

Singing their songs to the distant shore?

233. Kindergarten

First day jitters

Are gone away

A time to learn

A time to play

ABCs 

And 123s

Eat my crackers

And my cheese

Raise my hand

And answer right

Time to go

Turn off the light

Ride the bus

Back home and then

"Mommy, can I

Go again?"

232. I am a Child of God (alt verse)

I am a child of God

I'll follow in His light

The trials of life cannot stop me

I'll strive to do what's right

231. The Touch of Your Hand

I woke this morning to my husband's hand on my back. It was a simple gesture, kind and soft, but it drew me immediately from my nightmare. Inside my sleeping mind I was chased by fear, despair, and demons. But Jay's touch was a stark contrast that broke the spell. His small movement conveyed warmth, love, comfort, understanding, safety, and reality. 

Later in the afternoon when I thanked him for waking me, he had no recollection of the movement. To him it was a subconscious motion. To me, it was emotional salvation. That's the power of a strong, loving, and equal marriage. I know with my husband beside me, everything will be okay.

230.Mary, Marsha, Misty Ann

Mary, Marsha, Misty Ann

Triplets three who loved one man

They fought and screamed and cried all day

Too bad for them, he loved Sue May

229. Babyface

It is amazing how the presence of a baby can completely control the tone of a movie scene. I am talking here about The Fate of the Furious. Two scenes in particular were dominated by this peculiar force. In the first, the baby clenched in Charlize Theron's evil grasp sent waves of motherly fear and heartache through me. The sickeningly evil calm of her threat was only magnified by the baby's happy coos. Yes, I know it's just a movie and that baby was totally safe, but simply the idea that a woman as evil as Theron's character could exist and manipulate in such a way appalled me. Theron did an excellent job playing her part. The scene was by far the most gripping and intense in the entire film.

On the flip side, Jason Statham taking down a planeful of baddies while swinging a baby around in an infant carrier was simply ludicrous. Truth: I laughed through the entire "action sequence." Yeah, he's a good fighter. The guy (or his stunt team or chi team or whatever) has skills. But the presence of the baby in this scene made the whole thing absurd, especially with the several "oh let's check on the baby" interruptions. If they were going for light-hearted ridiculousness, they succeeded. 

Interestingly, butt scenes would have been average and likely forgettable without the baby, so I guess the director did accomplish something.

228. I Want To Know (ultrasound song)

Whatever I have

I'll love it too

Show me ultrasounds

And tell me now

It all means something

And yet nothing to me

I can see there is to much to grow

That babe's so close

And yet so far

I see that bean

As just a heartbeat

But I just know there's something bigger in there

I want to know, can you show me

I want to know what that baby will be

Tell me more, please show me

Something's familiar

About that little baby

Every gesture

Every move that it makes

Makes me feel like never before

How do I have this growing life that is inside me?

These new emotions I never knew

Come for the world far beyond this place

Beyond the my knees, above my eyebrows

I see before me a new life starting.

I want to know, can you show me?

I want to know the sex of this baby

Tell me more, please show me

Something's familiar

About this baby in me

Come with me now

To see my scan

Where there's grey spots beyond your dreams

Can you feel the things I feel right now with you

Check my scan

There's a gender I need to know!

I want to know, can you show me?

I want to know about this baby in me

Tell me more, please show me

Something is familiar

About this baby in me

I want to know

227. Hubs

My husband is my favorite man

I love him very much

He sure looks good; I am a fan.

Thanks, Broken Leg and crutch!

226. The Great Poopscapade of 2017

After thirteen and a half hours of driving with three young children in the backseat, a parent can get very good at tuning out little voices, noises, smells, screams, toys where they shouldn't be, flashing lights, and other such unpleasant and/or unusual sensory triggers.

This can be very useful mechanism when your three- and five-year-olds are arguing over who gets to hold the plush puppy toy (especially when there is an identical one lying untouched by your elbow). However, it can also lead to unfortunate, disgusting, and altogether laugh-because-that's-all-I-can-do situations. 

This is how the Great Poopscapade of 2017 was allowed to get as bad as it did.

With only an hour and a half left in crosss-country cruise, we felt secure in our knowledge that it was well past bedtime and our little ones would soon wear out. Berto, unfortunately, was not in tune with our desires. He cried and cried and screamed and cried. He refused food and water, so I assumed he was merely at his breaking point and would soon conk out under the soothing tapping of my fingers on his face (there was precedent). 

We should have been alerted to the atrocities that lay before us by the stench that soon enveloped our little vehicle, but alas, we were not. Blame it on overtired, travelworn nerves. That is my excuse. I wrote the smell off as a passing longhorn farm: we were finally in Texas, after all. And as Berto's cries were at long last turning only to the occasional whimper, I believed the bulk of our day's trials were nearly at an end. Oh, how I was mistaken.

No, it was Janie's disgusted cry that finally cued us to the disaster that lay before (or rather, behind, if you will) us. "Eeeeew! Is that poop?!" Not much makes a mother whip around quite as quickly as the dreaded "P word." I was on my knees facing backward in in a flash. One of the disadvantages of it being "well past bedtime" is the accompanying darkness. I could see only that there was a dark, smudgy something on Berto's knee. What is a mother to do in this situation? Yes, I wiped that smudgy something onto my own finger to determine its origin. "Oh please be chocolate" I thought to myself, though truthfully I knew my luck was not that good. 

It took us about three seconds to decide the situation needed attending. Mercifully, an exit with a superbly lit gas station was immediately on hand.

What we found was that Berto had not grown quiet because he had found sleep; rather, he had found entertainment in the (adult) fist-sized, corn-riddled mass of poop that, because of the angle at which he was sitting, and smushed out the side of his diaper. I say entertainment because he chose to use it as a form of artistic medium, as is common among one-year olds. It was on his hands. It was on his legs. It was on his clothes. It was on his face. It was on his carseat. It was on the door. It was on the seat between the door and his carseat. 

Blessing to be counted: It was not in his hair.

I am fairly certain we used half a packet of wipes at this marvelously lit, middle-of-nowhere gas station. Of course, there was nowhere safe to lay him down so the entire cleaning was done with one of us holding his rump in the air for the other to wipe down or with the babe standing completely nude behind the car, flashing his glorious manliness to all the drivers flying by on their own, hopefully uneventful, journeys.

Now, as distressed as we were by the wholly unexpected and unpleasant task, we could not keep from laughing. The ridiculousness of the moment did not escape us. Of course we could not have a fifteen hour drive without some detrimental occurrence. The Fates would never allow that. Something was bound to happen, and happen it did. Plus, Berto seemed extraordinarily pleased with himself. 

Note: incidentally, Berto fell asleep within five minutes of getting back on the road after cleanup was concluded

225. Eternal

My daughter

My sons

My husband forever

Our family 

Eternal

United together

224. Accidentally In Love

This morning my older sister got married. It was a joyous and beautiful occasion. 

My own daughter was in little-girl heaven, both watching her aunt be a bride and participating in the celebration herself. Being the oldest and only female grandchild on my side of our family, she adoringly took in the sight of my beautiful sister. 

I have taken many pictures over the last few days of preparing and celebrating, but one of the most touching to me was taken at the wedding reception this evening.

In it Janie and my father stand side by side, watching Mari sing to her new husband. 

When I took the picture, it was meant to be of Mari, and I just hadn't found the right position yet. But looking back on it, I saw my father watching his oldest child living her dream, beginning a new chapter in her life, while at the very same moment, embracing his oldest grandchild as that same dream is beginning its formation in her heart. I saw him watching the growth and fulfillment of one generation of posterity while encouraging the blossoming of the next generation. It is a sweet moment, accidentally captured, that absolutely exudes so many different wonderful layers of love.

223.Not-Your-Mother's Love Story: My Big Sis

My big sister is getting married in the morning. Mari met Gaylor eight years ago. They dated briefly, but Mari wasn't ready to marry. When she was presented with the opportunity to study in China for a year, she pounced on it. So she left Gaylor behind to play with the pandas. 

The year passed with many Asian adventures and Mari soon returned. Gaylor, excited to have his honey home, eagerly anticipated her arrival. But Mari was less willing to rekindle their romance. Hearts were broken. Feelings were hurt. 

But life moved on. Gaylor moved away. Mari moved away. 

Five years passed.

There is a lot of growth that can occur in two souls in the space of five years.

Mari, older, wiser, and renewed, felt it was time to apologize for the way she let their friendship end. For days she composed an email, trying to find just the right words to express her feelings. Finally, the need to finish and send the letter overwhelmed her and she finalized her words. She hit send.

At that exact moment, Gaylor was looking at pictures of the two of them, shared on social media by a mutual friend. He missed her and wondered how life had been to her. He returned his computer screen to his email and there found her letter of reconciliation.

Though they now lived hundreds of miles apart, he would happen to be in the same city that she now lived in two weeks hence. A plan was made. A date was set. 

There was never any thought of anyone else after that. The distance could not kill their courtship. Back and forth and in-between they went to share their life together. After two years of weekend getaways together, Mari closed the distance between them. Now, seven months later, they will again close the distance between them, sharing not only their home, but their lives, their dreams, and their eternity.

Happy Wedding Day, Sis

222. Life Plan

Janie gave me a run-down of her future today. It went something like this:

At 15 she's going to have a boyfriend.

At 20 she will spend all of her dollars and go on a mission.

At 22 she will get married to her husband.

At 23 she will have a baby. 

At 24 she will have a baby.

When she is 50 she will have 35 people in her family (I take this as a broad interpretation of the term). 

When she is 100 her husband will die and be with Grammy's daddy.

Boy, I wish I had that kind of foresight when I was five. It would've saved me a lot of stress, heartache, and trouble.

At five, I just wanted a Barbie.

221. Coordinating

Blue black yellow and green

The colors on my knees

Are also draped across my wrists

I like them, if you please

220. Laughing With Berto

Giggles galore

His little midget chuckles

Grandiose guffaws

Got me laughing out loud 

Don't know what the joke is

But I'll play along for to please this babe

219. Mommy, Tell On

I listened to my mother tell a fairy tale yesterday. It was probably the first time in about twenty years that I experienced this. Though I know these stories myself and nothing new was said, the moment was sweet to me. Perhaps it called upon that portion of me that will always see my mother as Mommy. Perhaps it is simply the memories deep down in my soul stirring at a familiar feeling. I don't know.

But I loved it.

218. Kyrstie Haiku

Staying up talking

All topics, all up for grabs

Sisters chatting late

217. Follow in Forver's Way

The little things we do in life

The little things we know

Are lessons made when husband, wife 

And children learn to grow.

These little things will make us

Whom we're truly meant to be.

There places that our journeys take us

Are where we're sent to be.

Call it fate or call it karma.

Call it truth or destiny.

We all have paths to walk along, a

Light for you and me

216. Bed Troubles

Creeeeeeeak. Scrunch.

Jiggle jiggle. HEEP!

Impossible to creep.

Squeak squeakity wip ooonk.

Settled in? Don't move a muscle.

215.Chivalry is One-Sided

I lay on the floor with my leg slung over Janie's body, pinning her to the ground. I feigned sleep, but all three kids knew better. Janie squealed with excitement, laughing and protesting simultaneously. Thomas laughed at the wrestling match and offered his help. Berto attacked my face with what I took to be kissed. 

Try as I might, I could not keep my laughter contained as Thomas, intent on rescuing his damsel in distress, hoisted my foot into the air and began pulling it off his smothered sister, all the while calling "Go, Janie! I got her. I got her!" I offered little resistance to his valiant effort and was impressed with the ease with which he pinwheeled my position. I was forced to either break his hold (and thus break his pride, his trust, his feelings, and the fun) or shift my body so as not to have my hips twisted to and unnatural angle. 

Not to be outdone by his brave brother, Berto sallied forth and slimed my face with slobber, tangling my hair in his pudgy hands, further anchoring my uncomfortable position.

The double assault broke my hold on my captive child, and the girl wiggled free.

Two minutes later I pinned Thomas to the ground. He called to Janie for help and was left to fend for himself.

214. Stars

Glitter in the pitch

Echoes of eons destroyed

Time stands untethered

213. Freedom

Truth and lies

Time that flies

Holding someone's hand

Fighting for 

A second door

A flight that isn't manned