262. Confident

I have never been hugely confident in my appearance. There have been times when I have been content with myself and times when I have hated my body. But even at my "best" I have been self-conscious. (I say "best" because that is what the social expectations are. Skinny, flat bellied, perky-breasted, clear-skinned.) 

Like many women, I have hidden my imperfections, embarrassed by what I see in the mirror. I wear shirts loose around my tummy to hide the skin stretched by pregnancy or delicious food. I wear a swimming suit with a skirt to cover what I have always seen as ugly legs. I have yet to find a bra that holds my post-nursing breasts in an appealing fashion. 

And yet...

I love who I am. As I have begun this journey with running I have found myself more and more satisfied and impressed with the things my body can do. Yesterday I ran three miles without stopping; a month ago I struggled to run two. Today I curled 12 reps of 20 pound weights. Last week I ached after curling 10 pounds. Little by little my body is growing stronger and with it my confidence is growing. I still have the fat, the skin problems, the stretch marks, the flab. But this morning as I readied myself for my workout I saw a different person.

I saw a me that I am proud of, a me that wants to keep fighting and becoming more. I saw a me that for the first time was not afraid to see herself. I have not become beautiful. I have become confident.