I was marvelously happy for Rachel. She had waited seven years to marry the man she loved. She deserved the joy that her marriage would bring. Though my heart was heavy for my own continued loneliness, I held no contempt for my dear sister.
Until that day, Rachel and I had been the best of friends. We were sisters, the only daughters in a household full of sons. We played together as children: learned together, grew together, ate together, sewed together. I taught her how to prepare bread and wash our brothers' feet. She comforted me after my first heartbreak. We were inseparable.
Perhaps Father was trusting to that bond when he made his decision. However, his trust was misplaced, and instead of strengthening our sisterhood by sending us to the same household, he shattered us.
Something inside my sweet angel broke when Father put me forward to Jacob. Trust, hope, love, charity, joy -- all were gone. She would not believe that I knew nothing of Father's intentions. I pleaded with her to hear me, but she would not listen. Even now, years later, she will not see my innocence. To her I am the enemy, the obstacle to her husband's love that she must beat. And I cannot blame her for loathing me. Everything she longs for, God has given me and withheld from her. I wish with all my heart that she would accept my love again. She is my sister -- my only sister. I hate what Father did, and yet, his choice has brought me my own joy: my sons, my beloved boys. I could not wish them away, even for my sister's happiness. Jacob is a good man. I do not mind my being given to him in marriage. He is a doting father and a kind husband. But I do wish Father had kept his word and given Rachel first. Perhaps then, she would not hate me as she does now. Jacob is an honorable man, and would have seen me cared for if only Father had asked. But his deceit had broken us all.
And now, in her greatest time of need, I cannot comfort my own blood. The one blessing God chose to give, He has recalled. I see her stricken with anguish. Rachel's greatest joy is gone, and I cannot ease her burden. If I try, she will accuse me of boasting my own prosperity. If I stay away, I am heartless.
"Dear God, what can I do for my sister now? Nothing. She is lost to me, just as surely as her son is lost to her. I know not why You have blessed me and cursed my sister. I have done nothing to deserve it. And she has only ever been faithful to you. And so I pray, I beg, Father, please ease her burden. She will not accept my love and comfort, so I beg of you, send her Yours. Release her from this agony. I will do whatever you ask of me. Strike me down in her place, I beg! Give her the glory and light that you have so long withheld. Do not let my sister pay for my father's sins."
And for Rachel I mourn again.
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