260. "Ah, You Made It Through."

"Ah, you made it through."

That's what the Apostle of the Lord said to me after church today. "Ah, you made it through." I laughed it off and agreed that yes, I had survived the meeting with my three little ones acting as if they'd never heard the word "reverent" in their life. But inwardly I was embarrassed. Embarrassed at my children's behavior. Embarrassed at my lack of parenting skills. Embarrassed that that they had been anything but perfect angels while sitting on the second row from the front, directly in front of an apostle. 

I laughed it off because he was trying to be kind, but inwardly I was frustrated with my kids and I wanted to cry. They know how to behave and they chose this day, this moment, to ignore those lessons. Perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if we had been several rows back, or if we had been on one of the sides. But, no, we were front and center. "The best seat possible" my husband had said. 

When discussing the experience with my mom, she responded much as the apostle had, with a smile and a laugh. "He's been there before. He understands. He's not going to judge you, and he probably won't even remember it."

It's been several hours now, but I'm finally feeling the frustration ebb -- it helps that the culprits are in bed -- and feeling some peace about the whole thing. 

Despite my initial feelings, this servant of the Lord, Elder Ballard, said something to me personally that I really needed to hear. "Ah, you made it through." Our exchange lasted maybe ten seconds total, but I don't think it is one I will forget. For an hour he sat on the stand, and though I don't flatter myself that he spent even a tenth of his time watching my family, I know that he saw us. He couldn't not have, and at one particular moment he looked me in the eye and held my gaze for several seconds while he spoke. So when he said "Ah, you made it through," he wasn't speaking a random sentence to a random mother of a random child. He knew I had been struggling. And he was acknowledging my efforts, pitiful as they were. He knew what I was feeling and he let me know it was okay. 

Some days making it through is all we can do. We may not always come away knowing what every talk was about, but we are setting an example for our children, showing them the importance of the sacrament and church attendance. 

In time they will learn to be better behaved. They will grow and learn and sit still. In time I will be more composed, less climbed-on, more focused. But for now I will take it one meeting at a time, one Sunday at I time. I will make it through.