304. Halloween Haikus

Heavenly smear marks

All over my mustard top

Lick it, I dare you

Little children run

Over the ghost-ridden hills

Worrying never a bit

Ethereal night

Echoes of spirits long past

Never to return 

303. Rippin' Roy and Belchin' Ben

Rippin' Roy and Belchin' Ben

Went to town at half past ten,

Smellin' like a lion's den.

I hope they don't come back again.

302. Mealtime

To kids some days you're awesome:

You make splendid, tasty meals.

Then some days you are loathsome

And eating comes through deals.

For what is made on Monday

Is terrible, gross stuff

And what you made on Tuesday

Could make a blind man bluff.

On Wednesday you were thoughtful

But supper was a bust,

For though you got it potted,

That "on" is quite a must.

So now you come to Thursday 

And your patience is run out.

You make them chicken nuggets;

So there's sure to be no bout.

But children's minds are puzzles

With no adult crossovers.

For though you made their favorite

They want Monday's leftovers.

301. Tickle Tickle Little Star

Tickle tickle little star

Can you catch me from afar

Reach as far as you can go

Shine and tickle with your glow

Tickle tickle little star

Tickle from right where you are

300. 300

It's the 300th day of '15,

The 300th day of the year.

It's the 300th day of writing.

Only 65 left from here.

299. Monday Night Blues

I've got the Monday night blues

I'm sittin' alone

Wonderin' where

My sanity's gone

I've got the Monday night blues

Busted my duffet 

Making some dinner

Di'n't nobody love it

I've got the Monday night blues

Watching tv

But nothin' is on

Entertainin' to me

298. Those Who Fled

They are calling all of us to gather at Cumorah. They say that is where we will be safest. We must fight to protect our families, our people, our lives. Only together can we stand and survive this Lamanite onslaught. We can defeat the enemy for good if we combine all of our forces.

Rubbish.

Our people are dying. The Lamanites have won. They won years ago. They've simply been slowly killing us off. The king knows it. The general knows it. This is the last desperate stand. If we go to Cumorah, we will die. There is no other way. Everything those old prophets said has come true. We did not listen. I did not listen. And now our people will be destroyed. 

No, I will not go to Cumorah. If we go, we will die. But if we run? Perhaps we will still die. But we may yet live. And so, we run.

We are safe. There are forty-three of us left in our little wandering band. There were others who tried, but we have waited as long as we can. To continue to delay could be deadly. Who knows if the soldiers will come looking for us. 

We did not escape unchallenged. Samuel is dead. Nathan is dead. Lamah is dead. Hephtah is dead.

Someone alerted the soldiers to our plan. We were caught unprepared. I escaped with my wife, daughters, and two of my sons. Samuel fought so that we could be safe. Without him, we would all have perished. I watched from the cover of the jungle as my boy fought to free us. But there were too many, and he fell. 

If we survive this wilderness and the ferocity of this enemy, they will be remembered.  

We are hungry and tired. It is eight days since we left our village. Most of our provisions we left in our hurry to escape. There are only three bows and five swords among us. I have crafted a spear, but it will take time before I am able to use it for hunting. We eat berries as we find them and the leaves and roots of plants we know are safe.

The children tire quickly. Their little bodies are not made for such constant travel, but we must keep moving or risk being caught by Lamanites. 

A band of Lamanite warriors crossed within a league of us yesterday. Hamath led as scout and turned our path to avoid them. We must continue south until we are out of danger. If they find us, they will destroy us. 

I led our little tribe in prayer this evening as we camped. It was new to all of us, but we agreed it was right. I have known no God in my lifetime, but I have a memory that I now cling to. As a young boy I sat on the lap of my great-grandfather and he spoke of a man, a savior all in white, who visited our people many years ago. He spoke of the goodness that he taught and the blessings that he gave. He spoke of peace, charity, and love. He told of the prophecies of this man's birth, death, and resurrection. He told of mercy and repentance. 

This memory I shared with our tribe. The prophecies of the destruction of our people were said to be from God. This man was said to be the Son of God. I have seen the truth of these horrifying prophecies. I must then conclude the stories are true. And if they are not? Can these -- my family, my friends, my people -- can they hurt from teaching the goodness and hope of my great-grandfather's savior? The stories can only heal us, true or not.

And so we prayed. We prayed for protection. We prayed for guidance. We prayed for forgiveness and knowledge. We prayed to survive.

We are forty-four! Zilpah has given birth to a little girl. This little Zara brings our tribe hope. We are lost in this wilderness, but we will survive. If little Zara could survive the turmoil of entering this new life, we can survive to enter ours.

Our scouts have seen no Lamanites, no villages, no sign of habitation in twenty-four days. And yet we do not feel safe enough to end our journey. Each morning we, the fathers of the tribe, gather in prayer to the God of my grandfather. He has kept us safe this far. I believe he has forgiven our ignorance and guides our progress. Tonight we will camp again, and tomorrow, he will make our pathway bright.

We have not traveled in five days. Two of our boys were injured on the hunt. It is truly a miracle the injuries were so few. Vanity and pride clouded the judgement of our boys. They are young and have surely learned that they are still weak. 

We sent out seven of our boys to hunt. They refuse to admit which of them started the bragging and who put forth the challenge. I commend their loyalty to one another, though it does not outweigh their foolishness. Somehow a wager was made that a jaguar could be brought in for our sup. For a trained hunter, the take would be difficult. But not so for seven young boys who have only begun to learn the techniques they must acquire, the task is beyond thought.

I thank my God repeatedly for his intervention. Only his protective hand spared them their lives. They brought the animal down, but at a cost. Little Nathan will never walk again. We pray constantly that he will pass through this fever. Cayas will have a long recovery. He will no longer be able hunt or work in the fields. He will be lame the rest of his life. The others were luckier. More likely, they were simply less stupid. 

We will remain here until Nathan either recovers his senses or passes into the next life. Whichever the Lord chooses, we will accept.

Little Nathan departed from this world early yesterday morning. We sang his passing all the day long. His brothers blessed him and his sisters dressed him with mourning flowers. His spirit has gone to be with our God.

And so we move on.

The rains have begun. There is sickness. Two already have passed. Lena delivered her son safely, but the fever took her not long after. The boy is small, but he has a strong will. He will be taken in and cared for by Zilpah.

We are worn. We have traveled many days, many more than we thought we would. But our God guides us and we look to him to help us to safety and rest.

A marmoset has joined our tribe. Little Chea found the poor baby frightened and cold. She brought him in to her mother and they fed and bathed him. Now he follows the child around as if she were his own mother. The little thing brings laughter and joy to our little ragged tribe. Only Moroni dislikes the creature, but that is only because he likes to steal his nuts at breakfast.

We have found our home. Our God has led us to this wondrous plain and here we will rebuild our lives. Our God has provided us with flowing water, fertile land, and a protective forest surrounding our hidden haven. The trees are filled with beasts to eat, the ground is fruiting abundantly. We will want for nothing, so long as we remember the Lord who brought us here, who delivered us from danger, who guided our hands, who showed us mercy and forgiveness, and who lifted our sorrows. He is the almighty and we will treasure his goodness always. We will pass our knowledge on to our children and they to theirs. I pray that they will remember him always and not stray as our fathers did. Then, when he comes again, we will be prepared. 

297. In the Rain

Sitting in the rain and I can't feel the ground

Sitting in the rain and I look all around

Puddles and rivers

Lightning and mud 

Sitting in the rain and I don't hear a sound

296. G is for Goldfish III

G is for Goldfish.

One, two, three, four.

G is for Goldfish.

They are no more.

295. G is for Goldfish II

G is for Goldfish

G is for Ghost

G is for Gypsies must have cursed the Gillie Genes because Gosh-darnit we Get rid of pets quickly; who ever heard of a Gecko Getting Gobbled by its own Grasshopper Grub?

294. G is for Goldfish

G is for Goldfish.

G is for Grime.

G is for Gumball; have you got a dime?

G is for Ginger.

G is for Girl.

G is for Great-Grandma Gwendolyn's twirl.

G is for Grasshopper.

G is for Goat.

G is for Gorillas gliding through a moat.

G is for Gender.

G is for Germ.

G is for Gerbil; did he get a perm?

G is for Ghana.

G is for Globe.

G is for Galaxy, bright as a strobe.

G is for Guitar.

G is for Glue.

G is for Garbage; it's broken; I'm through.

G is for Glasses.

G is for Glove.

G is for Games played with those that we love.

G is for Ghostly.

G is for Ground.

G is for Go! Go! Don't make a sound!

G is for Giraffe.

G is for Gem.

G is for Giants; don't see much of them.

G is for Garden.

G is for Gate.

G is for Grapefruit; is that what I ate?

G is for Gandi.

G is for Grin.

G is for Goodness that comes from within.

G is for Gecko.

G is for Goose.

G is for Gargoyle; who set him loose?

G is for Gyro

And Gnu and Gnat.

G is for Gila Monster. What's up with that?

293. Letter

When you're only three,

And haven't lived long yet

A letter in the mail 

is the coolest thing to get.

292. Chocolate On My Cheek

There's chocolate on my cheek today.

I didn't put it there.

I didn't wipe it from my hand

Or get it in my hair.

I didn't lick the pudding bowl

To get it on my face.

I didn't mock a baker

Or join a pie-eating race.

I  didn't start a food fight 

With my neighbor from next door.

I didn't slip in cookie dough

That landed on the floor.

I didn't bake some brownies

And splatter my right cheek.

I didn't frost a cupcake 

With a bag that had a leak.

I didn't splash hot cocoa

Or chocolate milk on me.

I didn't miss the blender lid

And let the contents free.

So how did chocolate get on me?

How did I come to this?

My one year old ate cookies

Then gave me a big kiss.

291. The Holy Spirit's Voice

There's a moment when you know,

When the world stands still

And all you can imagine

Is that you will

There is laughter all around.

Can you see whence it comes?

Beating in your heart,

Can you hear the drums?

Soft as lilac, 

Still as light,

Reaches through the darkness,

Whispers in the night.

All around you,

Can you see?

God has found you,

Sets you free.

290. Spinny Spinny Spin Around

Spinny spinny spin around 

Do your best; don't make a sound.

Don't get lost; you won't be found

Go so fast, now hit the ground.

289. Royals of My Heart

Little prince and princess sweet,

How you make my heart tweet tweet.

Royals of my heart are you.

Love the silly things you do.

288. The Tax Accountant's Celebration

Six months ago

Your taxes done

You went to sleep

Just like the sun.

You thought no more

But brushed your teeth

For gone was now

April Fifteenth

Unknown to you

The slaves worked on

And numbers crunched

From dusk to dawn

Extensions filed

Payrolls repeat

Last minute calls

Sun, snow, rain, sleet

October's here

Accountants weep

For now at last

Their fingers sleep

287. Slaking

Slaking?

What is slaking but a bit of rum?

Running through the prairie wild and jumping to the sky

Wave and ride and skip tonight

The joy of riding long

What is Life?

Life is new

Life is whole

Life is half

Life is full

Life is sorrow

Life is mean

Life is anger

Life is lean

Life is always

Life is ever

Life is sometimes

Life is never

Life is happy

Life is sad

Life is good

Life is bad

Life is joy

Life is smiles

Life is peace

Life is miles

Life is tense

Life is free

Life is you

Life is me

285. Trampoline Sonnet

They always told me trampolines were fun.

You bounce and jump and roll and skip and run.

But trampolines are not for children just.

For adults they are also a great must!

The freedom that a tramp can bring is great.

It loosens all your fears and douses hate.

Flying through the air and landing soft

Is just the sort of thing you should do oft.

You never know what fun the night can bring

With stretchy tarp held taught by silver spring.

Beneath the starry sky and gentle breeze,

You soar to heights you never knew with ease.

So when your children go to bed tonight,

Just go play on the tramp; you'll see I'm right. 

284. My Family is Forever

My fam'ly is forever; they're mine eternally.

I'm sealed to beyond all time; I love them tenderly.

It doesn't matter how we die, or where or even when.

My fam'ly is forever. I'll see them once again.

283. Hospital Snuggles

As I'm laying here in a hospital bed holding my little boy, I can't help but think of the last time that happened. Then, he was fresh from heaven, testing out his lungs, trying to figure out what his arms were, who all the people around him were, what this whole living thing was about. Sixteen months later, he's figured some of it out. He knows that mom and dad mean safety. He finds comfort in his stuffed bison and in his blanket. And yet all of these strange people keep

Coming in, and each time one does, he cries for fear of the unknown that they bring. 

Then, I held him close, teaching him what Mommy was. Again, I find myself holding him close, reaffirming that same idea. Mommy is warm. Mommy is safe. Mommy is love. Mommy is home. 

He is in an unknown and scary place, but he knows I am here with him. He's playing with my necklace and kicking his little feet, doing what he can to find comfort in this chaos.

Though I've cried many times on the last few weeks as we've battled this illness, right now, in this moment, I relish this sprawling snuggle and the adventure we have had together so far.

282. Pet Store

Saw the kittens, saw the fish.

Saw some dog food and a dish.

Saw a turtle and a mouse.

Saw a bright red parrot's house.

Saw some hamsters on a wheel.

Even saw a baby eel.

But this pet store's not the tops,

Cause they don't have triceratops.

281. The Lawyer

"Check again." She demands angrily.

I breath deeply, doing my best to keep the annoyance out of my voice. It will do no good to become angry. "My dear lady, I have read through this will at least one hundred times upon your request. There is no other way around it. There is no place for misinterpretation, or realignment of assets, or further change. I cannot change it. You cannot change it. Only the girl can."

"Surely my dear, late husband never forsaw that his child would lose her mind," she simpers at me. "If he had, he would never have named her sole heir. You must allow for circumstances. She is unfit to understand the needs of a household. Please," her long nails rake down my neck in what she must assume is a flirtatious move, "we are left practically desolate. This small allowance cannot possibly meet the needs of four grown women. How can I possibly see any of my dear girls wed properly when we have nothing?"

Her pouted lips achieve the effect her nails could not, but I became immune to this Siren many months ago. A man can only be flirted with and ignored so many times before he sees vixen for the vulture she is. I know this pleasantly, soft woman will disappear the moment she gets what she wants and then out will come the haughty mistress of Eccles Estate.

"Madame, I am sure you have sufficient. If you are truly are upon death's doorstep, bring the lady Ella with you next time and I will see what I can do."

A flash of anger ruins the sweet mask for only a moment. Perhaps her situation is worse than I know. Her composure has never dissolved this quickly. 

"The girl is insane," she says through teeth clenched into a smile. "Mute. Violent. She cannot leave the house."

I spread my hands wide on the table and respond with equally fake good humor, "then perhaps let me come to her. She will do better in her own home than in a stranger's domain. And that would allow me to see just how great your needs are. I cannot convince the lady to increase your allowance unless I speak with her, and I cannot recommend any amount without full knowledge of the situation. The short glimpses of her from your gate cannot help me in the way you need."

I have caught her yet again, I do not know why she refuses any admittance to her home, nor do I care. Were her situation as destitute as she describes, she would allow some provision. 

As expected, she refuses me.

"Well then, Madame, I see no point in continuing this discussion at this time. For now our positions remain the same as ever. I cannot help you until I speak with Ella." I ring the bell for Matthew and she rises in anger. "No, Madame," I cut her off before she has a chance to unleash her raging torrent, "I will not change my mind. If you wish to speak to me again, I will bring your allowance to your gate on the first as always."

She leaves without another word and I sink back into my chair with a heavy sigh.

I mourn, again, the loss of my friend. I do not blame him for marrying this two-faced woman. She won us all over. She was all politeness and glittering praise. But he must have guessed her true form long before any of us. How it must have been for him, leaving his precious child with her as he journeyed. At least he had the foresight to protect his daughter in the event of his death. 

The poor girl is mad. Driven insane by her father's death and her step-mother's guile. There is little I can do for her now, but so long as Ella lives I will continue to serve her as Sir Eccles instructed. 

280. Blackberry Winter

Strolling through the garden white,

Gazing past the hapless night,

Chilly in the glinting light,

Smell the blackberry winter.

Moonlight glinting off the trees,

Fragrance lifted on the breeze,

Children squealing jollities,

Hear the blackberry winter.

Fingers twined to warm the heart,

Time forgotten long apart,

Endings now which have no start,

Feel the blackberry winter.

Trials melted by the frost,

Loving, healing, never lost,

Bittersweet the paths that crossed,

Taste the blackberry winter.

Echoes of eternal glow

Casting shadows on the snow

Ringing forth the volley's lo,

See the blackberry winter.

Hope and heaven's graceful shine

Leading, guiding toward the shrine,

Bring back what once was mine,

Comes the blackberry winter.

279. Circles

Little circles

Up and down

Spinning circles

Round and round

Heavy circles

Hit the ground

Silly circles

Spin around

278. The Unsigned Note

------------

As agreed upon by the involved parties, your dutiful servant has accomplished the desired task. The fulfillment of this task, as previously configured, requires that you pay the agreed upon price by the date previously determined. Upon receipt of payment, any and all documents related to said agreement will be collected, counted, reviewed, and destroyed at a time which will be appointed upon your next communication. Please remember, as agreed upon at the genesis of your request, that any documentation not presented at that time will require an additional fee. 

Awaiting your acknowledgement of receipt,

-------------

277. Thomas S. Monson's Haiku

Even with body frail

You stand up for your brothers

Forever sustained

276. Jeffrey R. Holland's Haiku

Who suffers for me

And will do it on purpose?

Mother and Jesus

275. Blind

What must it be like to see,

To know what is there or who that may be?

What is it like to wake in the morn 

And know right away what the day brings for thee?

274. 12 Days of Barfing

On the first day of barfing

My son looked up at me:

What is this gross stuff all over me?

On the second day of barfing 

My son looked up at me:

Eew, yuck yuck yuck,

What is this gross stuff all over me?

On the third day of barfing

My son looked up at me:

I feel sick.

Eew, yuck yuck yuck,

What is this gross stuff all over me?

On the fourth day of barfing

My son looked up at me:

My tummy hurts.

I feel sick.

Eew, yuck yuck yuck,

What is this gross stuff all over me?

On the fifth day of barfing

My son looked up at me:

I AM BARF FREE! *spew*

My tummy hurts.

I feel sick.

Eew, yuck yuck yuck,

What is this gross stuff all over me?

On the sixth day of barfing

This got to be routine.

Wake up to crying.

YOU'RE SITTING IN BARF!

Pjs off in bed.

Take you out.

Strip your bedding off

And run another load of laundry.

Days Seven, Eight and Nine

Went just the same way too.

This is our routine.

Wake up to crying.

YOU'RE SITTING IN BARF!

Pjs off in bed.

Take you out.

Strip your bedding off

And run another load of laundry.

Ten, Eleven, Twelve

And barf bothers me no more.

Sheets make good wrapping.

I don't even have to touch it.

We have bedding cycles.

Sheet, blanket, Teddy.

Barf's better than poop.

Laundry gets done each day.

Your bedroom smells bad.

BUT I JUST DON'T CARE!

You are happy all day.

You eat well.

Your giggles cheer me,

And some day I will share this with your girlfriend!!!