318. Of Babies and Bagels

Thomas loves bagels. I love muffins. I'm talking those huge, super-moist blueberry  beauties from Costco. So good. Because  we got both bagels and muffins this week that's what we've been eating for breakfast pretty much every day (Thursday's poptarts in the car because we woke up five minutes before we had to leave excluded) this week. Thomas has a bagel; I have a muffin; Janey switches back and forth (but mostly likes oatmeal).

 However, the last couple of mornings Thomas has asked, in his I'm-a-grouchy-18-month-old-who-can't-say-any-words way, for some of my muffin. He happily enjoys the pieces I give him along with his bagel. 

So being the thoughtful, loving mother that I am, this morning I put Thomas in his high chair and gave him a quarter of the last muffin. I guess that was very insulting. There was screaming and crying and twisting and throwing. He mostly wept angrily into the back of his chair. I gave him water: he threw it across the table. I tried removing the offensive breakfast: he snatched it away and cuddled it. When I backed off, he put it back on the table.

So after a couple of questions on my part and whines, grunts, and farts on his part, I got a bagel out of the fridge. He watched me cautiously, deciding whether I was a friend or fiend. As soon as I set the bagel down in front of him the crying stopped. He straightened out. He smiled. He picked up the muffin and ate it. 

Yes, the muffin.

It's a good thing I got a hot shower in before breakfast. 

317. Paris

Pockets of flourishing springs

Alleviated by swift wings

Roaring darkness brings

Irrevocably stings

Softly, the world sings

316. Sewing Machine

Swiftly beats the sharpened staff

Ever piercing blade

Stitching, mending, biting laugh

Look at what I made

315. Who Dunnit

There once was a body slain

Which lay on a carpet plain.

Who killed him? How?

What should we do now?

Let's throw him into the rain.

Was it Plum, the professor from WHO,

Who did things a doc shouldn't do?

His romantic whirl,

Now a telegram girl,

Is lying out there by dog poo.

Colonel Mustard the killer could be.

He stole parts from the flying army.

That negative diver

Who whacked off his driver,

Should really have settled for tea.

Was he killed by the weapon of Scarlet's

Who ran a hot brothel of harlots?

When the cop came to call,

Did she murder them all?

Because she got gypped at the car lots?

Was it Wadsworth, the man who just buttled?

Like a penguin through hallways he scuttled.

He shouted. He shouted.

And then got knock-outed.

The deceased cook later he cuddled.

Mrs. Peacock a senator wed.

So her morals are basically dead.

Wait, is she a man?

From silence she ran.

On monkey's brain she gladly fed.

Was it Mrs. White, there in the tunic?

Who made her late husband a eunuch?

Her glare ripped apart

That little French tart.

Or did she say she's from Munich?

Arrest them all! Don't say I can't.

I'll end this crazy man's rant.

I'm wearing this suit,

Because I'm not a fruit.

I'm Green. I'm am FBI plant.

314. Harry Potter ABC

A is for Albus, Harry's young son.

B is for Buckbeak, whose freedom was won.

C is for Colin Creevey: Harry, say cheese!

D is for Dobby who likely had fleas.

E is for Edgecombe, Marietta the sneak.

F is for Fenrir, now Lav-Lav won't speak.

G is for Gregory Goyle the Goon.

H is for Helga: that's badger, not racoon.

I is for Ignotus, owner of the cloak

J is for Justin, thought Harry was no joke.

K is for Karkaroff, tracked down and soon killed

L is for Lovegoods, oddballs but skilled.

M is for Muggles; they can't follow tracks.

N is for Nick who took 45 whacks.

O is for O'Flaherty, or so says Prof. Binns.

P is for Parvati and Padma, the twins.

Q is for Quirke, a Racenclaw girl

R is for Runcorn, enters work with a swirl.

S is for Stan Shunpike: Knight Bus employee.

T is for Ton-Tongue Toffee, a Dudley enjoyee.

U is for Urg the Unclean Goblin Rebel.

V is for Violet, whose friend sang the treble.

W is for Wronski, he fooled every Beater.

X is for Ex-Death Eaters; Snape is the leader

Y is for Yeti, let Gilderoy pass.

Z is for Zabini, the last of his class.

313. Haiku to My Crockpot

Do the work for me

My feet worship your great ease

I play while you cook

312. Nephi and The Boys Who Kept Returning

Throughout my life I have often heard the story of Nephi returning to Jerusalem to retrieve the Brass Plates for his family. It's one most LDS kids know and love. But I remember thinking as a little girl "why didn't they just get them on the way out? Why did the Lord wait until they had traveled for days (weeks? months?) before saying "hey, the boys need to go back to get these records" and then again later "hey, the boys need to go back to get wives." 

It seemed a little odd to me that the Lord kept sending them back for more things, like a mother who takes twenty minutes to leave the house because her daughter is missing a shoe or her son had a blowout getting buckled in. Surely if anyone could get it together, God could.

I figured there was probably a reason for it, but never really gave it a whole lot of serious thought. It became one of those unimportant "gee, I wonder" things and I moved on.

However, this week as I once again read the story (1 Nephi 2-7) I was finally struck with the "aha" moment that had this far escaped me. This could, of course, be totally incorrect, but then it could also be dead on. Add it to my list of questions to ask Nephi when I die. With that in mind, realize this is said with a whole lot of maybes and probablys (probablies?). Here goes:

Nephi says that the people of Jerusalem wanted to take away his father's life. This is what caused Lehi to pack up his tents, his provisions, and his animals and leave with his family into the wilderness. They Jews were angry at Lehi for preaching repentance at them and wanted him gone. His leaving the city of his own accord accomplished the same end goal that killing him would have done: no more preachy prophet. So they didn't bother going after him and Lehi is safe.

Time goes by, they happily forget about the troublesome Lehi, and the people move on to other problems. Suddenly Laban is found dead in the streets, a scriptural record is missing (do they even realize that the plates are gone?) and one of Laban's nobody-servants has disappeared in the night. They search a little for the servant, but he, too, has disappeared. He's a nobody. He's gone. There's nothing they can do about it, nowhere to look. They search the city for a few days but if the murderer is gone, no use trying to bring him back, is there?

Now, if Lehi, a publicly hated figure, had disappeared the same night that Laban had been killed and his records stolen, there would have been heads rolling (pun totally intended). They wouldn't have just let Legi and his family slip off into the night. They would have chased him down and slaughtered him and possibly his whole family. I'm sure the Lord could have whipped up some firey pillar or angry sea-serpent or something equally cool if he'd wanted to, but there was another, simpler way here, with the added bonus that it accountably strengthened Nephi's and Sariah's faith. 

The same logic applies to the retrieval of Ishmael's family. I assume that Ishmael was a righteous and religious man like Lehi, or he wouldn't have been chosen to go with Lehi to start a new nation. If they had been fetched at the same time as the plates, they could have been accused of being the murderers/thieves and been hunted down. But since the three events occurred at separate times, the people of Jerusalem didn't put the puzzle pieces together and the soon-to-be-Americans were able to ride off into the desert in unpursued peace.

But don't take my word for it.